Uh, Excuse me?
by Dory'n'Confu
Summary: “You two are not jealously secretly plotting against us because of our love child, are you? If so, go find your own table.” Rodney slurped up more jello. John and Rodney welcome bundles of joy into world. Do not take this too seriously. M/M mpreg parody.


Uh, random inspiration hit. I shouldn't be up this late. BTW I love SGA, McShep and mpreg but I needed to this parody.

Sadly, I do not own Stargate: Atlantis or Oreo's.

* * *

"It's. All. Your. **FAULT**." A finger was jabbed into John's chest with each of Rodney's words.

"Hmmpf??" John mumbled, his sandwich falling partly out of his mouth.

"You know what you did." Rodney's glare intensified and his arms crossed over his chest.

"Look, okay, I was really bored and your packet of Oreo's were sitting _right out_ in _plain sight_!"

Rodney's eyes bulged out comically like a fish that was drowning. His anger was quickly replaced by denial and despair. "Y-You ate my Oreo's?!"

John made an 'O' face. "So this isn't about that, huh?"

For some reason Rodney began to sob, and then he punched John in the face. Then he ran away, crying again.

After about a minute or so, John sat up. "What in the hell..?"

- - -

"Wow, that was such a greeeeat story. NOT."

"What, you seriously don't believe me?" Rodney looked baffled and little hurt.

"Like you seriously except me to believe something like that?"

"Uh, hello, _we live on Atlantis_! Crazy should be our middle name... or something like that."

"Do you think I'm stupid or something?"

"Do **you** really want **me** to answer that question?"

John stopped walking to turn fully to Rodney. "Okay, so, hypothetically if what you're telling me is true, and for some crazy reason I were to believe it, then that means...?"

"Uh, yeah. Glad you finally caught up to speed as to what's going on."

"Huh." John made a funny face. "I never would have thought Zelenka had a third nipple."

"Yes, yes, and by the way." Rodney struck his signature Dr. McKay 'i'm a reallyreallyreally smart genius' pose, the one with his pointer finger raised high into the air. "I'm pregnant."

- - -

"Ugh." Rodney sat down heavily on the other side of the table in the Mess Hall.

"Is this the part of the story where we fast forward, we seem to have both accepted the fact that you're pregnant, you are showing standard signs of pregnancy and someone is going to be jealous of us and will silently plot against us?"

"Hmm, yes." Rodney slurped up some of his jello as he surveyed the Mess with hawk eyes. "It could be _anyone_."

"Hello." Teyla greeted, sitting down next to Rodney with her own tray while Ronon just grunted and sat next to John. "Is everything alright? You seem to be... squinting."

"You two are not jealously secretly plotting against us because of our love child, are you? If so, go find your own table." Rodney slurped up more jello.

Teyla looked confused, cocking her head to the side slightly. "Uh, no?"

"Good, good, it must be someone else that is not a major character within the show. This means that the author might have some crazy original character with some random grudge against us."

"Good reasoning McKay." Ronon smirked.

"Hmm, yes, I try." Rodney looked triumphant. "JOHN!" He suddenly yelled, his jello spoon aimed toward the Colonel. "Look for an original character, okay? Trust me on this."

- - -

"Congratulations Boys, you're having twins!" Dr. Beckett announced excitedly, waving the sonogram wand around, jelly flying off it everywhere.

"Uh, what? Excuse me?" Rodney demanded, unsure who to glare at -- Carson for supplying the news or for John for supplying the sperm.

"It's stereotypical within a fan-fiction for the parents to have firstborn twins, even though it is supposed to be a rare occurrence." John answered, inching away slightly from the angry patient.

"Oh." Suddenly everything became clear. "So at this point in the story we get extremely excited, yet later on I become overbearingly angry and depressed because of how big I am and no one points out the fact that twins are rare?"

"Yep." John laughed. "Maybe by our third set they'll finally catch on."

"Actually..." Carson interrupted. "I 'ate to be the bearer of bad news, but for some reason your children are real dick-heads and decided to play keep-away."

"Would you hurry up and tell us what you're blabbering on about! I'm hungry like I always am!" Rodney yelled furiously.

"It seems I had missed your third child, congratulations you're having triplets!"

Rodney turned as red a tomato while John fainted.

- - -

"AUUUURRRGH!" Rodney yelled as another contraction hit. These were a total bitch.

"I think this is the part where I give you moral support and then you rip me a new one." John was holding Rodney's hand. "Oh, um, you go get 'em Tiger! Push those triplets out."

"Jesus I swear John if you ever fucking come near me again I swear to God I'll hack your penis off with fucking rusty dull BUTTER-KNIFE while I pencil sharpen your BALLS!" Rodney yelled being actually serious, he hadn't heard a word John had said.

"Wow, that was a really good one. But, geeze, OW! You wouldn't really do that to me, would ya Buddy?" John's smile was almost endearing. Almost.

- - -

"So, what are you two naming your four bundles of joy?" Elizabeth asked, peering over the large basket at the newborns and smiling.

"Rhonda, Bertie, Harold and Yardley."

"Err, I don't think--" John cut in.

"Remember John: Butter-knives and pencil sharpeners." Rodney smiled fiendishly (John liked to reason later that it was the drugs Carson had given Rodney earlier. Yeah, it was the drugs he told himself over and over again).

John gulped and never said another word.

And they all lived happily ever after!

* * *

Time for me to go to bed now. T^T


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